I can speak for women, as I am one. content on the site. Many like to joke about becoming cat ladies (or dog ladies) but behind their joking is a belief that they really are going to be alone. Identifying these fears can help me recognize how I can improve and overcome my weaknesses. When you lose hope, you close yourself off to new opportunities of meeting someone interesting. That’s not fair to you! I remember one particular day when I was worried about my husband. They list all of the things they believe are wrong with them (i.e. One way of giving Hope-and-Dreams the advantage then, is by coaxing the Fear Mongers into the light. I can see how recognizing these fears could turn a potentially devastating event into a positive experience, or even a step towards improving your relationships. Otherwise, we run the risk of those fears undermining not only our dreams, but also our relationships. Subscribe for help where you need it most, we’re here for you! Though I know they are only words, I still want to be assured again and again. I have often lain in my husband’s arms and made him promise to never leave me. As a wife of 41 years, I can say I have had one or more of those fears at any given time and not wanting to be mistaken for weak or needy, rarely voiced or exhibited them outwardly. Team Fear doesn’t have to win. The father brought the boy to Jesus’ disciples, who were unable to heal the kid, so he turned to Jesus, who immediately rebuked everyone, saying, “O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you?” (Mark 9:19). It comes with the territory. The disturbing thing is that financial destitution could end up being more than just a fear for far too many women in this country; it could become a fact. If you have been on a streak of particularly bad dates, maybe it’s time to change up the way you approach dating? But she doesn't raise her voice. I’m not sure if there is a greater fear for women than the fear of what’s to come (or what won’t come). I never would have been able to identify them on my own, but I've definitely felt each of these fears!! I fear and I hope.”. That makes the trade-off completely worth it. That might mean taking a different approach to online dating or even taking a more casual approach to dating (so that you feel less pressured). We can learn to manage the worries hardening beneath our soft skin, and we want to. Sound familiar? She is in abusive relationship. But what happens when I fear for the worst about our future? We don’t have to fear the future. Maybe your fear is divorce, so you are tempted to mistrust your husband. The people had the same problem we do—unbelief. Relying on external sources of affirmation. Ever wonder if a simple ‘Hey!’ is a good enough intro? These are not bad things to desire in and of themselves. I could never picture myself marrying someone w/o feeling I wanted to spend my life w/him so I didn't. My phone died, and I’ve just now settled into the hotel.”, Did all my worrying do anyone any good? They have found profound relief in naming those fears and redirecting them into a more positive internal narrative. I believe I am enough and I choose to appreciate each moment and value the people in my life. Did he get robbed? Shall we never repent? Yes, you may not be able to spontaneously book that weeklong trip to Guatemala like you’ve done in the past, but you’ve gained an invaluable source of emotional support, a traveling companion, your biggest cheerleader, and someone who cares about you, just as you are (Bridget Jones’ Diary, anyone?). She gets insulted or maybe even beaten. I hear fears like this expressed often from my single clients. Yes, compromise is required in relationships but it doesn’t mean that you have to give up all of your drive and ambition once you’ve entered a committed relationship. Life is hard and difficult because we live in a fallen world. listed on the site. Scary, isn’t it? Fear hurts relationships especially when you are not able to communicate and/understand those fears. I watched friends marry knowing they were not in love but felt it was getting late. Your source of confidence has to come from within. Many of my clients bemoan that they’ll never meet someone and have started to believe that they’ll be single forever. Ramona Zabriskie has understanding these fears down to a science as well as mens' fears and how to not only deal with them but to truly understand each other. Make a plan to challenge them and make changes in your life to prove these fears wrong. It’s hard not to have control, and one thing that we can’t ever determine is what lies ahead. Used by permission of Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois. The second reason I fear the, future is, I think, unbelief. Then the phone rang. Some equate being in a relationship with giving up their independence. A woman’s instincts, which include retreating, withdrawing, denying, neglecting, judging, blaming, or hurting, stand in stark opposition to friendship and intimacy. I have no extended family so that's sad-no one left. What are you waiting for? Thanks for sharing this with us. So here is my attempt—albeit a mere sliver of the feminine heart—to identify four of the most common fears I see over and over in my work with women. Instead we come anxiously awaiting our fate. What happens when I see that I might be in danger of receiving these hard things? FamilyLife® is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporation and all gifts are tax deductible as allowed by law. We need to know that He is good, in control, and mindful of man. Instead of focusing on what you will have to give up when you’re in a relationship, try to focus on what you will gain. Fear of getting old. In Deuteronomy 32:4, Moses speaks of God as the “Rock” whose works are “perfect” and ways are “justice.” He is “a God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and upright is he.” And we read in 1Thessalonians 5:24 of Paul’s confidence in the faithfulness of God: “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.”. “I’m so sorry I didn’t call you. It’s hard to pin down but we can all sense when someone is confident in who they are versus someone who isn’t confident. The father said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). The key to combating this fear is to change your internal dialog. But certainly a fear at my age is knowing the certainty that either I will have to live without my husband at some point or he will have to live without me. This website and other related websites are owned and operated by FLTI, dba FamilyLife®, an Arkansas nonprofit corporation. If you’ve experienced these fears as well, rest assured that they are just fears … As a mentor to hundreds of women I have learned that even the most confident among us are torn between the beautiful possibilities and the unwanted realities of life, or rather the fear of them.
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